People like that not only lack love they don’t understand what true love is. They don’t realize that you can love someone dearly and yet refuse to give them what they want. It’s not your love they want however. They want your aid. They would rather that you be an enabler and jump through hoops pleasing them, rather than loving them enough to say “No!”. They are angry because you won’t allow them to take advantage of you. They fail to see that you love them deeply. Enslaved by their sinful desires and blinded by their passion they don’t understand that you can’t help some people by “helping” them. You actually hurt them by enabling them and you become complicit in their sin.
I could name people I love with all my heart who think or accuse me of not loving them at all. I have helped them, although they have never helped me, yet they accuse me of being the evil person. That hurts, but I would rather endure the pain than to hurt them, or others, by letting them have their way.It’s not always easy, but it’s right. When people try to get you to do what they want and you refuse they often resort to one of the oldest tricks in the book–they say, “You don’t love me”, hoping that will put you on a guilt trip and cause you to cave in to the pressure. Don’t blame me for the choices you’ve made that have brought you to this place. If you want to change your circumstances change your choices.
Pro 19:19 “A man of great wrath shall suffer punishment: for if thou deliver him, yet thou must do it again.”
“Experience is a good teacher if we would just learn from it. The wise person observes others and learns from their experiences and doesn’t have to experience the losses and pain! But some people never seem to learn. One of the types of people that never seem to learn are those that are filled with anger, bitterness and wrath. Certainly there are some who have good reason to be bitter and angry but in the end this is just their excuse for being so full of wrath that they are always ending up in trouble. They have chosen not to deal with their own anger and bitterness and instead chosen to pour it out on others. They refuse to process their problems and offer forgiveness and thus they are caught up in a cycle of wrath and punishment. This is where you often get sucked in. If they are a loved one, or a family member or even a close friend you will get some of their wrath and if you ever bail them out of their self-inflicted troubles you can be assured you will have to do it again and again and again! We’ve been ministering to homeless and addicts for at least 10 years now and I’ve learned that this proverb is extremely accurate by way of the cycle of wrath, punishment and bailing out. Once you start bailing them out they will wear you out because they are never going to change. I know, it hurts to tell them NO and it causes deep pain to see them suffer but delivering them from their self-inflicted troubles over and over is not helping them and it is costing you dearly. It is in fact enabling their destructive behaviors. You are helping them kill themselves and injure others. So my advice is twofold: First, if you are a person of great wrath you need to be ready to suffer consequences of your wrath or better yet ask God to help you deal with your anger and bitterness. Second, if you think you need to bail your angry bitter friend out then you better be prepared to do it again and again and again. In other words, leave them to suffer the consequences of their actions. It is the consequences that have the power to begin changing them, not your bailing them out of their troubles. “