What would you think if I said, “The longer I live the less I want to live”? Some would say I must be depressed. Others might think that I’m soured on life–like Solomon when he said, “I hated life”. A few might even think I was suicidal. I suspect that most people would think of it as a negative statement and be critical. If not that, they might even pity my soul, as though I shouldn’t feel that way.
But what about Paul? Do you think he had a bad attitude when he spoke of having a “desire to depart“(Phil. 1:23)? Was he wrong? Did he have a bad attitude? I don’t think so. Keep in mind that this was no fleeting, spur of the moment feeling that swept over him and disappeared. The Greek word translated “desire” means “passionate desire”. Most of the time it is used in a negative context and is translated “lusts”. But here it is used in a positive sense. His desire was intense– putting great pressure on him.
I love the way Francis Patton (1843-1932) put it when he compared David and Ps. 23:4 to Paul and Phil. 1:23. He said, “David was willing to go, but wanting to stay, but Paul was willing to to stay but wanting to go”. I’m sorry if it offends you or that you don’t understand, but I feel as Paul did–“willing to stay, but wanting to go”. And the older I get the stronger the feeling. If you find fault with that would you please explain what it means to “Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth”(Col. 3:2)? I feel like the old song that says, “I’m homesick for heaven, I’ve got a longing to go“. If you don’t understand that maybe you ought to spend more time reading the Bible. Heaven is a promotion, not a demotion. It is gain, not loss.
Pay close attention to what Paul didn’t say. He didn’t say, “I want to depart because of the difficulties here”. Nor did he say, “I want to depart because of the delights of heaven”– although that would be understandable. What he said was that he had “a desire to depart, and be with Christ“. That was his motivation. You could build a strong case for death being preferred over life because of the painful things we leave, or the pleasurable things we receive, but neither of those were Paul’s point of emphasis. It was not the woes of earth, nor the wonders of heaven–no, it was the attraction of Christ that he mentions. Nothing we escape here or enjoy in heaven can compare to Christ. For Paul, whether it was in life or in death, it was all about Christ. Christ was his all and all! His desire wasn’t due to the wickedness of the world, or the weariness of the flesh, nor even the wonders of heaven, great as they are. It was all about Jesus. That’s not to say that those things never entered his mind, most assuredly they did, but it was Christ alone that was first and foremost on his mind. So I make no apology when I say, the longer I live the less I want to live.–HDS
