“Lo this, we have searched it, so it is; hear it, and know thou it for thy good.”– Job 5:27
Adding to the horrible suffering of Job was the fact that he was misunderstood by those who thought they understood — his so-called friends. Our text comes from the closing words of a statement made by Eliphaz. He tells Job that they had observed his situation, investigated the matter, and arrived at a wise conclusion that Job needed to heed. Out of his ignorance, arrogance, or both he declared “so it is” — another way of saying “these are the facts, and we couldn’t be wrong”. He said “so it is” when in reality no it wasn’t. While some of the things he said were true his conclusion as to how they applied to Job were wrong. And he wasn’t the only one to make such a mistake. It happens all the time.
When things happen to others we don’t always know the cause, or the purpose, nor the effect it has on the person. And it’s better that we don’t pretend that we do. One of the most common phrases we hear is “I know how you feel”. The fact is, no you don’t. And it’s important that we understand that. You might go through a similar experience as another person, but we cannot know exactly how the other person feels. The same thing affects us differently.
Empathic people can feel some of the pain another person feels, but they cannot know if it is less or more. And assuming we know exactly can lead to problems. We might mean well, but sincerity doesn’t make everything right. When we say, “I know how you feel” it can be interpreted by the person as meaning that your problems are just as big or bigger than theirs. Making such a statement is not only usually useless it can be harmful. You are shifting the conversation from them to yourself. They might feel as though you are saying, “It’s not that big of a deal– get over it. I did”. Even when we try to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes, we still can’t know that we feel as they do. And not knowing should govern our thoughts and guard our tongue.
We are to be as understanding as we can, but we need to understand that we can’t fully understand. We never have all the facts, nor the same level of tolerance for pain. What seems trivial to you might be torture to another. What appears to be intentional wrong doing might be a mere mistake. What appears to be an excuse might be the truth. So, unless there is solid proof that it is otherwise we should give the other person the benefit of the doubt– go the extra mile, assume the best. It’s true that some people will intentionally deceive you, use you, and mistreat you, but they have to answer to God for that. We should do what we know is right and then leave the matter with the Lord.
This doesn’t mean that we are to be so gullible as to believe everything we’re told. It means that we are to be wise enough to know that it’s possible that they are telling the truth, patient enough to not jump to conclusions, kind enough to not express our opinion, loving enough to not speak evil, and smart enough to not say, “I know how you feel”. There are better ways to express your sorrow and concern. Simply saying, “I am so sorry. I can’t possibly know how you feel, but I love you and I will be praying for you” can do a world of good.–HDS
David Stone
Lakeway Baptist Church
5801 FM 1960 E
Humble, TX. 77346
