I have often spoken and written about “unrealistic expectations” and the harm they can do. But, lately I’ve been wondering if we preachers haven’t been guilty of that very thing in regards to church members. After sitting for hours in the office studying the Bible and praying it’s easy to develop the attitude that everyone ought to be doing the same. And we are quick to tell folks what a thrill it is. We are so blessed by our sermon preparation and so anxious to share it that we get carried away in our message to others. We get all excited and tell the folks they need to spend at least an hour a day in Bible study, 30 minutes in prayer, some time just meditating, visit the sick, witness to their neighbors, follow up one the visitors, attend all the church services, activities, and meetings, etc. After all that’s a Christian’s duty we say. Now, all that sounds good and would be good except for the fact that we forget about some things.
We seem to forget that these people have to work at least 8 hours a day, drive another hour to and from work, attend their kid’s activities, take them to the dentist and doctor, shop for groceries, etc and attend all church related meetings. How do you suppose they feel when we say, “If you don’t spend an hour a day in Bible study you are backslidden? And to pour salt in the wound we boldly declare that they ought to do that first thing in the morning. Are you kidding me? I am a morning person, but that’s not true of everyone. Some folks are like my old friend John Hardy who used to say, “I’m an atheist in the morning until I’ve had my first cup of coffee”. Of course that is a joke, but it is no joking matter when we expect everyone to jump out of bed in the morning singing hymns and anxious to study the Bible before they brush their teeth. That’s fine if you can do it, but don’t expect everyone to do as you do– that’s an unrealistic expectation!
Why is it that we are so fearful in cutting folks some slack? Is it because we are afraid they will take advantage of it and slack off even more? Probably. But in case you haven’t noticed, those who will do so–regardless of what you say. Your hard nose stance doesn’t really impress them. But for some of us there is another reason. Perhaps my greatest fear as a young preacher was the fear that I wouldn’t be hard enough in denouncing sin. Yes, I know there are more important things, but as I said I was a young preacher and I thought I was doing it right. I feared being called a compromiser, so I cut loose with both barrels every time I preached. While some people loved it, others didn’t. I learned a great lesson when I first learned that we are to speak the truth in love. Naturally there is a time to denounce sin and sternly rebuke those given to it. But when we impose unrealistic expectations on people that’s taking things too far.
We talk about being a New Testament Church, but do you even know how the early church operated? Do you really believe they did as we are doing? That is another message, for another time. I just want to remind you that Christians in that day didn’t do as some are being told to do today. The members didn’t even have a copy of the Bible to study at home. Nor did they stop planting their crops, doing their chores, and taking care of family needs.
We seem to forget that our Christian testimony is sometimes best displayed while doing the normal mundane things of life– our attitude and actions on the job, at school, etc. While Bible study and prayer are of great importance, they are not the only things that are important. A man must work to eat. Paul was a tent-maker. Mothers have the great responsibility of being keepers at home. The ox can get in the ditch. Sometimes a person needs a plumber more than a preacher. We should not expect everyone to do everything on our to do list. And when we hammer away with unrealistic expectations we can do more harm than good. Pastors shouldn’t expect members to neglect their families, become slackers on their job, deprive themselves of R&R, or to never ask any questions.
Don’t misunderstand, I believe it would do every Christian good to study the Bible and pray as much as possible. I also believe it is the pastor’s duty to exhort people, to urge them to do all they can for the Lord, and to keep folks focused on the most important things in life. He is perfectly within his bounds to remind them that there are certain God-given expectations for church members. But I also believe he should also use common sense. Sadly, sometimes we are more concerned about our preferences that we are about Biblical principals. Pastor make sure you base your demands on the Bible. May God help us to speak the truth in love, with wisdom, and understanding, out of a heart of genuine concern for others. –HDS
David Stone
Lakeway Baptist Church
5801 FM 1960 E
Humble, TX. 77346
