We have a problem with this for a couple reasons. First, we are born with a sinful selfish nature. Second is the fact that most parents fail. They teach their children that to get what they want all they have to do is cry, complain, or criticize. As soon as they whimper the mother runs to their aid. And most parents today think they are showing love by not spanking their children. Actually just the opposite is true. You are hurting your child more by not spanking them than you are by spanking them. Other than Christ there has probably never been a child that didn’t need a spanking at some point. Even when a child gets older, past the point of spanking, you can’t always help them by helping them. You are not doing your kid a favor by bailing them out of trouble every time they do something wrong. They don’t always need a soft place to fall– sometimes they need to hit rock bottom. If you aren’t careful you will become an enabler. You think what you’re doing is out of love, but it isn’t. Love gives them what they need, and sometimes they need to hurt before they can be helped. The old song that says, “No one ever cared for me like Jesus” is true, but the care He gives sometimes is painful.

I could name people I love with all my heart who think or accuse me of not loving them at all. I have helped them, although they have never helped me, yet they accuse me of being the evil person. That hurts, but I would rather endure the pain than to hurt them, or others, by letting them have their way.It’s not always easy, but it’s right. When people try to get you to do what they want and you refuse they often resort to one of the oldest tricks in the book–they say, “You don’t love me”, hoping that will put you on a guilt trip and cause you to cave in to the pressure. Don’t blame me for the choices you’ve made that have brought you to this place. If you want to change your circumstances change your choices.

Pro 19:19 “A man of great wrath shall suffer punishment: for if thou deliver him, yet thou must do it again.”
“Experience is a good teacher if we would just learn from it. The wise person observes others and learns from their experiences and doesn’t have to experience the losses and pain! But some people never seem to learn. One of the types of people that never seem to learn are those that are filled with anger, bitterness and wrath. Certainly there are some who have good reason to be bitter and angry but in the end this is just their excuse for being so full of wrath that they are always ending up in trouble. They have chosen not to deal with their own anger and bitterness and instead chosen to pour it out on others. They refuse to process their problems and offer forgiveness and thus they are caught up in a cycle of wrath and punishment. This is where you often get sucked in. If they are a loved one, or a family member or even a close friend you will get some of their wrath and if you ever bail them out of their self-inflicted troubles you can be assured you will have to do it again and again and again! We’ve been ministering to homeless and addicts for at least 10 years now and I’ve learned that this proverb is extremely accurate by way of the cycle of wrath, punishment and bailing out. Once you start bailing them out they will wear you out because they are never going to change. I know, it hurts to tell them NO and it causes deep pain to see them suffer but delivering them from their self-inflicted troubles over and over is not helping them and it is costing you dearly. It is in fact enabling their destructive behaviors. You are helping them kill themselves and injure others. So my advice is twofold: First, if you are a person of great wrath you need to be ready to suffer consequences of your wrath or better yet ask God to help you deal with your anger and bitterness. Second, if you think you need to bail your angry bitter friend out then you better be prepared to do it again and again and again. In other words, leave them to suffer the consequences of their actions. It is the consequences that have the power to begin changing them, not your bailing them out of their troubles. “